Friday, January 3, 2014
It is hard to believe that it has been a year since I have posted anything. A year. So many things can change in such a short amount of time. Fast forward to today: I did survive nursing school and graduated, nothing short of a miracle considering. I met, fell in love with, and married the most amazing man I have ever met. Yes, that's right people: MARRIED. Life seems to be going in the direction that I had always envisioned, but not without its challenges. There are far too many events that have occured over the last year to write in one post and there are just some things I am not ready to write about; but all I have is time now and maybe I will be able to bare those crosses soon enough. All I CAN say is the man that violated my child was not convicted and now walks a free man. But, like, I said, I am just not ready to go there. Soon though. Soon. I truly am in a good place in my life right now, but not without it's struggles and challenges. Time can be such a medicinal thing. Far better than any other drug a doctor can prescribe. The only kicker is that the side effects are a son of a bitch. Time does not provide any anesthesia. It does not dull the pain while in the moment. You feel ever cut, every ache, every agonizing moment. Luckily, every day that passes dulls the pain ever so slightly. You are able to acheive more of a peripheral view when all you started with was tunnel vision. Before you know it, a year has passed and you can look back on where you started and realize that your wounds are no longer gaping and bleeding. Time has scabbed over the hurt and the pain isn't near as intense and for the first time you realize; I am going to be ok. Sure, I will always have scars and maybe the occasional ache and pain from these healing wounds. I think that is ok. It is just a gentle reminder that I am still alive. I am still breathing and I didn't cop out and end it all, because, believe you me, the thought crossed my mind on more than one occasion. I AM going to be ok. Life really does go on, with or without me. It is up to me if I will choose to be an active participant or not.