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Friday, December 31, 2010

Really Oprah?

Ok, I'm pissed.  In case you haven't heard, the woman who has more influence than God Oprah is taking over Discovery Health.  Come on woman!!! Seriously??  Don't you have enough money to create your own network without taking over Discovery Health?  Ironically her network will be called O.W.N. Coincidence? I think not.

Now before you go getting pissy and hitting the delete button, let me state for the record, I like OPRAH just fine.  I just love Discovery Health more.  What will I do without:
  • I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant; because how can the same story about a woman thinking she needs to take a massive crap or is having appendicitis attack get old?
  • Dr. G Medical Examiner; because how else will we know how he died?
  • Trauma Life in the E.R.; because it is just gross medical stuff that fascinates me.
  • Mystery Diagnosis; how else am I going to come up with different illnesses to obsess that I might actually be inflicted with?
  • Hoarding: Buried Alive; OK let's face it. These people just fascinate me.  Are these people really mentally sick or just plain fucking lazy? Whatever the case may be, they keep my inner Hoarder in check and I feel compelled to deep clean something after watching.

Thursday, December 30, 2010

My Newest Obsession.....

Since I can proudly post this:
Hello Sarah! You haven't smoked since August 5th, 2010
Your withdrawal symptoms will go away soon. Hang in there!

You have quit smoking for:

20 weeks, 6 days, 15 hours and 39 mins.

You have saved:

659.94 Dollars by NOT smoking 2,933 cigarettes! 
My newest obsession is this:
Because I do not smell like an ashtray anymore :-)

We are Framily....

No, that was not a typo.  It is Framily.  You know, those friends that you love so much and you are so close to you wish you were related.

I was talking to a lifelong friend of mine today on the phone (yes people, there are other ways of communication besides Facebook. Shocking. I know). I swear our lives are almost IDENTICAL.  Every time we talk, I could swear she was talking about my life and replacing my name with hers. We rarely see each other in person and when we talk on the phone it is for HOURS. 

A sick and twisted part of me takes comfort in the fact that her life is just as fucked up as mine.  Her relationship with her family sucks ass just like mine.  She feels abandoned by her mother also.  She grieves like I do over such losses.

We talk about everything.  We bitch about everything.  I can tell her anything and feel one ounce of judgment coming across the line.  When I talk, she listens. I mean really listens.  She isn't pre-occupied in Facebooking or the t.v.  Her attention is on me and when she talks I reciprocate.

It's rare when you find those cherished few that just get you.  There's no explanation needed. No apologizing for it coming out the wrong way. True, unconditional love.  That's Framily.

Wednesday, December 29, 2010

Don't Hate the Blogger...

Hate the Blog.

Do you ever wonder if people have a filter?  I just think sometimes, people post crap without thinking how it will be perceived.

For instance, I finally summoned up enough courage to publicize this blog on Facebook only to get a response from a friend "You are crazy. I love the idea of blogs, I just wish people talked about issues more. Good job and you gave me a great idea. Check out my blog. I did this for school."

Ummmm..... really??????? Thanks for the support... I think? 

And so I'll end this on one of my new favorite quotes:

‎"Everyone thinks their opinion matters. Don't argue with a nobody. A farmer doesn't bother telling a pig his breath smells like shit."

Does This Make My Butt Look Big?

Ugh! I really stress about going out.  Like REALLY stress.  I have become so self-conscious in the past year due to a massive weight gain. I have tons of clothes in my closet, but it seems I keep out growing them.  OK, I know I not morbidly obese and far from it, but I certainly am not one of those skinny, Mary Kate looking little bitches that can put away whole pizza in one sitting and crap it out or puke it up an hour later petite.

I have gone through my entire closet trying to find an outfit to wear to the New Years Eve party, to no avail.  In fact, it is quite a dramatic scene for me when trying to find a pair of jeans that do not make me feel like my innards are being squeezed out of my nostrils. It gets so dramatic, that often times I resemble that kid from the video that freaks out about his mom canceling his W.O.W account.

Yep, that's me, only female. And chubbier.  Don't judge. I have issues. Oh, and I still can't find anything to wear.

Tuesday, December 28, 2010

The meaning behind the name.....

So, you may be thinking where in the hell did I come up with my blog title, or better yet, what is behind the title? Let me tell you.... I have spent all freaking day trying to come up with something catchy.  I have so many friends that have catchy blog names like:
or get the point. (By the way, friends, do not get your undies in a bunch if I didn't mention your blog.  I'm sure it will come up in future posts.)

Anywho..... so after much debate (with myself) this is what I came up with.  I wanted something meaningful about my life. Something that sums up who I am. My great life's lesson.  THIS is what I came up with. Never Stand Downwind From a Bum.  A lesson I learned many years ago on my first trip to San Francisco waiting to catch the trolley back to the BART.

My blog name kind of sums it all up.  Don't do it. It stinks. It's unpleasant and for the rest of your life you will never forget it.   Your best bet is to hold your breath and wait for the winds to change before you pass out.  It is kind of like my life.  Most of the time it's like standing downwind from a bum.  It can really stink.  But sometimes, the wind changes its direction and I can finally breathe.

I hope you get as much enjoyment as I continue my blog writings, as I do self therapy. I am also hoping to save THOUSANDS of  dollars from going to a therapist just to be told what I already know: Life just stinks sometimes.  Hold your breathe and wait. The smell will dissipate eventually.

R. Hilltop